Once my plane touched down at Heathrow after an interesting flight, my soul wished to run into comforting arms of my boyfriend, and my mind wanted to escape back to where I had come from; my country. I was about to start a new life 100’s of miles away from home, and it felt both scary and exciting at the same time.
If you’ve ever re-located, you probably know the feeling; If you haven’t, you can only imagine this roller coaster of contradicting emotions.
I arrived to the UK being familiar with just a few things. Except for my British boyfriend, who I was dating for the last 18 months (yes, the airport felt like my 2nd home!), I knew a little bit about the moody weather, tea with milk, specific sense of humour and a number of stereotypes. My English was more or less communicative (even *tho*, I had no idea what ‘undercrackers’, ‘fugly’ and ‘taking the mickey’ meant), but when it came to the culture I was a total newbie. I felt lost like a child standing in the English fog. I knew that I’d have to face many scary monsters coming out from that fog, that’s why my rational brain went into a ‘fight or flight’ mode.
So here I am, imagine, standing on foreign soil, suspended between two worlds and witnessing the fight between my mind and my heart. ‘I have to greet my boyfriend with a smile, and then meet his family and friends… And understand them all… And make them like me too’… ‘And then I have to make my own friends’… ‘And find a job… That will be interesting, as a phone conversation in English will be a small disaster for me, a visual person’… ‘And this newly rented home… Is it nice and cosy?’ ‘And what about my favourite food?’ And films?’ ‘And books?’ ‘And my loved ones?’ ‘What about my own native language?’‘Won’t I miss my city, together with its apartment, beloved parks and bridges and favourite shops and cafes?’ ‘How about my childhood places and my entire youth with its wild nights, tears, laughter, adventures, loves?’… ‘Wait a second, I’ve just abandoned the WHOLE ME! Haven’t I?!’ ‘Is it all worth it?’ ‘What if…?’ HEEEEELP!!!
All of these questions flooded my my mind and I felt like crying. Then, while queuing to passport control in a long, long line, I realised that there might be lots and lots of people, just like me, who left everything behind in the name of something they believed in. And nobody was sobbing, nobody was running back. Perhaps, they made a conscious decision to face those monsters in the fog and experience something better afterwards?
While my queue was moving forward, and nobody was trying to escape back, I thought to myself: ‘Pull yourself together, girl. Don’t look back. You’re not going that way’. So I did. Then I landed in my boyfriend’s arms with tears in my eyes as my soul was whispering to my brain: ‘That’s right! Good decision, girl. Enjoy! New love, new life. If not now, then when?! You’re strong. You’ve got this’.
Today I know I had, and I strongly believe that you’ve got this too.
BTW: What enjoyable can you find in the NOW?
